An Epidemic of Loneliness
One of the most harmful epidemics in the world today are these unprecedented levels of loneliness. Over 60% of American and British populations report feeling chronic loneliness. These are staggering numbers for such a detrimental phenomena. The modern western world countries are suffering the most from loneliness. Why is it that the more advanced a nation is, the more people are suffering from diseases of despair? We have become very materially rich but socially poor. Social wealth far outweighs material wealth in terms of living a meaningful life, yet we live in a world that prioritizes having things over having friends.
One of the most basic and important needs of a human being is to belong. We are very deeply wired towards creating and sustaining strong interpersonal relationships. Whether we belonged or not was an indicator of how likely we were to survive in a pre modern era of humanity. Loneliness is a stress signal to alert us that we must find others to belong with or we are most certainly toast (dead). We are built for relationships and love. These are some of the things that make life most worth living. Relationships are a source of richness in this life. To be able to feel like someone else gets your world and shares an experience of reality is a joy that makes separating from oneness worth it. I can acknowledge the survival aspects of loneliness, but there feels to be something spiritual about being intimately connected with other beings. I think most of us have experienced glimpses of true belonging whether it was at summer camp, a retreat, or going camping with friends. This sense of community that we don’t want to end.
Loneliness is a precursor to depression, anxiety, heart disease, a weakened immune system, and so many more negative health conditions. It is absolutely insane to have such high rates of loneliness in a world that is so apparently advanced. Many people feel ashamed of being lonely which makes it a harder problem to solve. Having a sense of belonging in a group of other humans that you shared life with was an essential part of surviving and living a fulfilling life. It seems quite criminal that for the first time in human history it is possible to go through your entire day being completely isolated or interacting only with strangers, and have it be normal for the average person. You couldn’t get away with that at any other point in human history. We have basically created the “luxury” of us being zoo animals; cut off from our natural habitat There is a reason why so many civilized humans have left a civilized world to go live with indigenous cultures and not the other way around. There is something about having intimate tribal bonds with other humans that feels so meaningful. It is hard to feel that today when we have created conditions where social bonds are an add-on to basic needs. We have spoiled ourselves with comfort, but forgotten a crucial aspect of what truly makes life worth living.
I remember a time when there were dangerous fires that came thru my home town. Most of the city was evacuated including myself. That time of living in uncertainty made me feel very alive and excited for some reason. I noticed I seemed to bond with the friends I spent time with on a deep level. I now realize that it was such a meaningful time for me because I was in a shared threatening situation with my friends and we were in uncertainty together. We were faced with a disaster that affected all of us and yet we had each other, and had each other in a way that felt so bonding. We had a common problem that made us feel like we were in it together. Our society doesn’t produce enough opportunities to show other that we have their back on a deep level. There is an absence of circumstances in which we can demonstrate our loyalty and love to other humans. Think about the amount of life or death scenarios our ancestors faced. These were opportunities for them to bond in a way that resulted in a mutual sense of belonging. You would feel a strong sense that there are other humans who know you, care about you, and would put there life on the line for you. These life conditions allowed them to work together and bond through shared goals that were very essential, deep, and meaningful. When you look at disasters that happen around the world, it is unfortunately usually what it takes to bring a community together in a way where they feel a sense of belonging and a common goal that is meaningful. As soon as the disaster conditions and reparations are done then everyone returns to an unsatisfying life.
We basically live in a culture and economy with technology that selects for isolated consumers. We have created conditions from which chronic loneliness has emerged at epidemic levels and is getting worse. It is totally possible to be alone without feeling lonely, and to be surrounded by people yet feel extremely lonely. Many of us have never been exposed to true human intimacy that indigenous cultures experience every day. Whereas indigenous cultures learn through mirror neurons how to bond deeply, us civilized folk are simply not taught how to interact with others in a way that creates mutual intimacy.
The questions I am super interested in are how do we create a world that retains the benefits of modernity yet makes it impossible to feel lonely? How can we have community around our basic needs? How do we integrate intimate tribal connections without the detriments of tribalism? What would a society look like in which it was common for everyone to have a rich sense of belonging in their daily lives?
I believe that a great many of our problems we face as a world stem from loneliness. I also believe that an upstream root solution to major problems in the world will be rediscovering the richness of true community and connection. We must enter an age of reunion as Charles Eisenstein likes to call it. This current age of mass loneliness is a sign that we must learn how to connect on a level greater and deeper than ever before.
